I was at church a couple of Sundays ago chatting it up with our head of worship. She saw Jamie's cool paragon tattoo on his arm and said that it looked neat. I immediately showed her the matching tattoo on my foot
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| My matching Paragon Tatt |
She looked at my foot and asked what the symbol was and why we had matching. I explained to her how we play Mass Effect and it is the "do right" symbol. I told her we wanted to get something matching and since we played together we thought we would let our nerdy side show. She then something that I didn't expect and truly appreciate. "Jean, I just love that. You are both so comfortable with who you are because Christ is in you and is your true identity." I think I didn't expect it because she is a little more conservative and an older generation. But I hung on those words the entire next week. It is true...Christ is my identity...and He speaks on my behalf. I started unraveling more thoughts in my brain. He not only created me to be unique and different....He also intended me to be that way and loves me that way.
From that point I just started to embrace everything about myself. I have come up with a sort of mental list of what makes up me...not that I need a list to make up who I am...but I just like it....I like me. I want to stay that way. Ya know, liking myself.
It has also shown me that I do not need people in my life who I am trying to impress or be a certain person for. I mean don't get me wrong there will always be room for growth and I am by no means perfect....but I really am tired of trying to act a certain way or be a certain person just to make someone else happy. Im not talking about sin issues or anything like that...just my personality and who I am. I look back in the past and see relationships where all I wanted to do was impress or please...and really it's not okay.
I told Jamie just the other day that I feel like I am confident enough now to be the person I love and the person I need to be for me, my friends, my family...and that I would be intentional about NOT trying to impress every dawgon person on the planet. Of course, the very next day I feel like my words were under attack but I did pretty good...I stood up for me.
It's kind of a freeing feeling. I am who I am ....at church, work and home. And people can take it or leave it. I know that when it comes down to it Christ will use me, exactly how I am, to do His work and deeds. Its nice to know I am the way I am because He created me this way, needs me this way and loves me this way.
2 comments:
That's been something I've been thinking a lot about too, mostly how it relates to other women. It's mostly just me trying to minimize on the jealousy factor, trying to dissect reasons why I might feel jealous if another woman is hot or looks perfect or is strong, powerful, rich, etc. I discovered that I can't expect other people to like me unless I really like who I am first, and part of that process is coming to terms with the things I'm insecure about and just making peace with all of them. And a byproduct of that, I've also discovered, is learning to appreciate the good qualities of other people. I've noticed now that if someone else looks fantastic or does a great job at work (esp if they're women) it's much easier to be genuinely happy for them now, because I'm not wishing that I am just like them anymore. I'm at peace with myself, and that's a really good place to be.
Stac its so crazy to hear that you even had those kind of issues...you are so amazing and I look at you as such a confident being who is comfortable in her own skin. :) Glad you shared with me, lets me know I am not the only one who goes through doubts
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