Where my heart is

 Since Jamie had to work on Sunday, the girls and myself rode with him and then kept going to church. After church we were able to have a nice afternoon hanging out with B and her family. I love hanging out with her because she played a HUGE part in where I am today and how I look at my faith and God's mercy. We always have thought provoking conversations or just talk about our hilarious kiddos or nerdy husbands.


 Sunday we were talking about God and who He is and how hard it has been for me to come out of a harsh mind set that I was stuck in for years. That conversation got me thinking a lot.


 When I broke out of that mind set, I found it was kind of hard to trust all that I had grown up knowing. (This post is not about my upbringing...my parents are amazing and brought me up in the Word and in God's grace, this post is about my own personal growth)  Things like predestination and baptism and women speaking at the pulpit all became foggy to me. I think for a long time I clung to the "Jesus is my buddy stance".


I believe that Christians are so severely divided right now. Some think that God and Jesus are a being that is full of judgement and justified anger. Forgiveness of sins and rebuilding of our life is the important point with them. Others have the view that Jesus is my buddy and friend and we just need to spread the love and love is really the thing that gets everyone through at the end of the day. I know that when I left that "mindset" I clung to the latter. It was just easy to think of Jesus and God that way and not try to go back and reteach and relearn things. Now that I am becoming older, I can see where both stances are true. God is so much more than we allow Him to be. He isn't in a box...He has qualities of both of these groups plus more!


 God has a justified judgement and anger and He does call us to start a new life and put our past behind us.(For the wages of sin is death; but the gift of God is eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 6:23) He also knows that we struggle and that we live in a broken world. Because of that, He meets us where we are and realizes that there are times that we are hopeless and need Him. (Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Matthew 11:28) He understands we won't always be where we should. He demands love and he demands that we give His love to others. (Luke 6:27“But I say to you who hear, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you," 1 John 3:18 My children, our love should not be just words and talk; it must be true love, which shows itself in action." 1 John 4:7 Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Whoever loves is a child of God and knows God.)


All of these aren't separate factors that should be divided and chosen for yourself. They all tie together and all relate. I am not saying I have it all together, I am not saying I know it all. I actually am starting to see that there are things in the Bible or about God's character that I will NEVER understand, and that is okay. God never said we would know all the answers or understand why He does what He does. Quite honestly, some things about God and His plan are not our business to figure out and are just there so that we can trust in His perfect plan and His perfect will and His perfect character.


 With all of this I am seeing there are some ugly truths in the Bible that are hard to accept and believe. I am working on those things and praying for truth and comfort in God's perfect plan. (Psalm 32:8 "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.") BUT I am also seeing that God is full of mercy and love and that He gives us so much that we really are undeserving of.

 I have been really reflective this week, as Easter approaches and tomorrow is good Friday. I wanted to share these thoughts with you and let you know that if you are in a hopeless place, if you are feeling that there is nothing but darkness and despair for you...than God's arms are waiting to hold you and make your life new. Even if you feel like you have your life together or feel like you really are not in a place that needs saving, I encourage you to reflect and see if there isn't an empty part of you that can be filled with new life. It may be a hard road, it may not always make sense, your life still will be filled with hard times and hurt...but in those moments you will have the Greatest Friend and Mentor that you could ever imagine. He will never fail you.