Untitled

  I was thinking yesterday of the many different phases that I have had in my life. There are so many. Then I think of all the ways I have grown and all the ways I could have failed. I this and I that...but it really comes down to God. He has always been so faithful to me.

I recall times where I have sat in my car crying and crying and just praying that God would be faithful to me because I just didn't know how to find Him or be faithful to Him. I can recall times where I was so hurt and so inside my own reality and just didn't know how loved I could be. I can remember times where I was all alone and didn't know how I would ever find good company and if I was even worth hanging out with. There were times that I felt I had failed everyone and there were times I felt everyone had failed me. There were times where I thought that the world wouldn't notice if I were here or not.

I've had times where I just didn't know if we were going to make ends meet and if things would ever add up. I have had doubts and been humbled and humiliated in front of my dearest friends. Some of those times I have found my dearest friends and couldn't be more thankful.

I can remember times where I felt so much hurt for others that I just didn't know if I could carry all of it. I have seen so much happen around me and realized how broken of a world we are in. Christ just allows me to bleed for others hurts.

There are soooo many "I"s in all of that...but it was God who brought me through. He has redeemed me, made me completely whole. He has brought me out of the darkest and most uncertain times and showed me who He is and how much He loves me. No matter how many people fail me (and certainly everyone fails everyone at one point in their lives) or how many people I fail...how many walk away or how many leave this earth...God is still there. He has provided in every aspect of my life. Relationships, family, health, love, possessions, need and even wants. I have beautiful children and the most incredible husband. I have friends all over the map who would go above and beyond to support me. Best of all, I have Christ and His redeeming Love. I am nothing without Him and I am so thankful that He is the one thing in this world...through all the bad and finite....He is the thing that can never be taken from me.

I am so blessed and so thankful for God's hand in my life.