Jubilee Faith

How It Began

Thursday night, the 22nd, I tried to go to bed with Jamie around 11 oclock. It worked for a couple of hours. Early on Friday morning around 2 oclock I started having cramping and tightening feelings in my uterus. I wasn't too startled because this is how I had been feeling in the past, and even though it was a little tougher...I figured it was false labor again. I stayed up until about 4 and then I decided to give it my best shot at sleeping. Unfortunatly all I did was toss and turn and have more pains. I toughed it out for a bit and then decided maybe a bowl of cereal would help. It didn't. I thought about calling my midwife but then realized I had an appointment in 3 hours anyway. 8:30 we headed over to the Dr. appointment. I gave the cats a BUNCH of food and grabbed some things to put in our already packed hospital bag which was out in the truck. Jamie gave me a funny look and I said "Just in case!"

A Nice Surprise

We went to our appointment and I had an ultrasound to make sure her amniotic fluid was good. It was. So they put me on the monitors to see how her heart rate was and if I was having any contractions. I wasn't dialated anymore than 1 so I figured not a whole lot was going on. Turns out I WAS having contractions and that they were thinking about having me induced. The hospital was called and we were sent straight over! I couldn't believe it! I really couldn't believe it! We actually got cheered on the way out the door by a couple of nurses and the ultrasound technician!

The Waiting Game

Jamie and I called and texted everyone we thought we needed to on the way over. We got there and went through a series of questions and information about all sorts of things. By the time that was over it was about noon and they started me on Pitocin, a drug that induces contractions. I actually did really well for a while. Dosed in and out here and there, watched some tv with Jamie and monitored the cramping and thought it was so sureal and strange to feel them get stronger and tighter and longer. It was nice to talk to Jamie at that point in time about being excited and nervous.

Then It Hit Me

Everything was fine until about 6 or so...it's funny because I am sitting here trying to recall what happened and this part seems so distant and insignificant. They gave me a drug (I do not recall the name) that they injected partially in my iv and partially in my arm. I instantly became loopy and was having contraction but didn't really care. It really took the edge off for me. I felt pretty silly at one point because I didn't realize that epidurals are continuous, I thought that they wore off, so I was atually hesitating to take it. I guess I didn't do my research on that one. So I let the iv go until it ran out and they asked me if I wanted it again or the epidural...I took the iv again. It did not work the second time...AT ALL! I was in the most pain I have ever been in my whole life. The pain was so horrifying...I would hold Jamie's hand and squeeze not knowing that I was hurting him. He was shocked that I had that much strength in me and so was I!I went on like this for a couple of hours until one of the nurses explained to me how the epidural works. So of course I took it! I had a fever by this time and was pretty stressed out and scared. I was only dialated to 2 and pretty frustrated that I had already encountered so much pain.

Let The Exhaustion Begin

The epidural was so hard. I was already emotional and starting to get very tired. Sitting there with them trying to poke me in the spine was not helping. I just remember trying so hard not to look at Jamie. He was already upset and I knew that his eyes would give away how scary the needle looked. After the epidural I remember Jamie telling me how proud he was of me and he couldn't believe I was so strong and doing so well. I don't consider myself a very strong person especially when it comes to pain so to hear that kind of support from him meant the world to me and I have played it a few times in my head since. He also thanked me for going through all of this. I didn't really know what to say! After the epidural was in place and they checked me (I was now dialated to 4!) they decided to break my water. We were now approaching Saturday morning. (12 am!) I came to the point I couldn't feel anything from my waist down. I kept trying to rest but everytime I woke up I would wig out a little because I couldn't move. 2 am they told me I was dialated to ten and that the head was moving down. They had me push for a while to see how it would go. My midwife was called around 2:30 and I began pushing as they were expecting her to be there soon. 3 came around and I was still pushing, 4 came and I continued, 5 came and not only was I pushing but my midwife was not there. I was so confused and frustrated! The house doctor decided that maybe we needed to consider other options. She went to go talk to the dr. that would perform the csection if needed. I had been pushing for 3 hours and nothing had happened! As soon as the house Dr left the room...in walked my midwife. She decided that I needed to keep pushing.

Beyond Frustrated

I would push for a half hour and she would tell me "15 minutes more and we will see where this goes"...she told me that line up until 7am. By this time Jamie was passed out and I could hardly stay awake in between the pushing. The dr who was going to perform the csection came in and gave me a pep talk about how I did my best and I had tried so hard but that at this point we needed to go forward with the csection. I was so releaved to hear that! Jamie held my hand and I told the Dr that I didn't think I would have been able to go on any further anyway. They gave Jamie scrubs and got me ready. Everything below the waist I couldn't do...so they had to move and position my legs because they were dead weight. Jamie put the scrubs on and we waited. I felt myself begin to lose it. I felt so unstable. I was thinking "I just pushed for 5 hours! I was in labor for over 30...I can't get comfortable right now and if I cant right now how will I feel after this csection! I won't be able to even hold my little girl I will be so out of it. " Even for a split second I thought I would feel better if I were dead. Looking back on that thought...as intense as it was and psychotic sounding...it was just so real. I had never felt that hopeless before. I said a prayer and asked God to be my strength and help me because I couldnt even talk without wanting to flip out. Jamie tried to touch my hand and leg and console me...it was so sweet because he didn't even know how I was feeling at that moment.

The Surgery

I was able to get about a half hour of sleep before the surgery. They came in and wheeled me to the room and I remember thinking...ya know I am actually feeling better. I CAN do this and God is with me as well as my ever supportive husband....we got to the room and everything went so fast. They were changing me and moving me putting ivs in me and prepping me. I remember how nice every single person in that room was. The anesthetic doctor was the most comforting. I remember him constantly asking...how are you...Jean what do you need...do you feel ok...do you need to look at me...and then Jamie came in and sat with me. I couldnt stop shaking and I just remember telling Jamie how scared I was. (He later told me that was the worst feeling on earth for him because there is nothing he could do.) I felt pressure and that was all...no pain. I even fell in and out of sleep from being so tired. I was warned there would be some pressure and then...

Her arrival

I heard a cry that I will never forget. I heard one person say "hello toddler" someone else called her a him and I was really confused....then they clarified...oh it's a she! I only got to see her for a moment because she had to be rushed off to the NICU because of a fever I had been holding for a while...they wanted to put her on antiboitics right away. I went to recovery for about a half hour and then was forced to sit in my room for about 5 hours waiting for the epidural to wear off.

My Jubilee

Well as you can imagine after five hours of NOT holding my baby for the first time it was time to get up. One nurse told me to rest but I told her to get me a wheelchair or I would be walking. She looked at me startled and the tech said "Oh hun! Ill get it for you right now". I remember standing outside the NICU and looking in the mirror. It was so strange because I had no idea which one she was and was embarassed that I had to ask my hubby which one was ours. And then I saw her. Her feet were pressed together as if they were praying and she was just laying there looking like an angel. I went inside and held her for the first time. I will never forget that moment. Ever.